It's the HOLIDAYS, why am I not happy? :(

I gotta be honest to myself. This two weeks holiday is depressing. You must be wondering why, since usually when anything is associated with the holidays it's always FUN FUN FUN. Well, people.. It ain't FUN AT ALL! First three days, and BAM! SCHOOL! Extra classes for the PMR and SPM students. :| I skipped the third day cause I felt tired and well... I just didn't feel like going. Today was just awful, I cried a lot and now my eyes are swollen. :( You wanna guess what's it about? BF problem? Ding! ding! ding! We have a winner.

I just feel that maybe we are not right for each other anymore... I don't know.. We have been fighting, like a lot. It's like one minute we are laughing and the next minute, we are already yelling at each other. I feel so frustrated, I know it's all my fault and I feel terrible for what I did. I know what I did was wrong, he got all the rights to be mad at me. I'm just so stupid, how can I be such and idiot? Someone just freaking kill me already! :(

He's been so patient with me since the beginning but I treated him like faeces.. I guess now.. he can't put up with it any longer. I'm so afraid of losing him. I just.. don't know what to do. How can I make it up to him? I tried reasoning with him, but the words wasn't there. My mind was empty like a blank piece of paper. I know crying doesn't help, but I can't hold back the tears. Just the thought of losing him just breaks my heart.

I never loved anyone as much as I love him. Some of you are probably saying that there are plenty of fish in the sea, but his the one fish that I can never find. That's how precious he is to me. I really wanted to explain everything to him but I couldn't.. I just couldn't.. I guess now I just have to keep my spirits high and hope for the best. I really hope everything turns out right and if it turns for the worst I just have to accept it as it is.